Confederacy of Dunces

Sometimes I wonder about the mental faculties of the people around me.

That’s a lie.

Every day, multiple times a day, I decide 90% of the population posts an IQ score that would be a great golf score.

I’m putting together a visual attendance chart for a homeschooling group of ours. Each child’s photo will be printed next to their name so that readers and non-readers alike will be able to take attendance. Pretty nifty idea and it was fun to dust off my old editing and design skills.

But the response from the other parents makes me concerned that they’ve already passed on their genes and also that they are driving around out there.

When someone requests a “mug shot” that should indicate a photo that is full-frontal, head, maybe shoulders.

It should not result in the submission of the subject posing like an odalisque, nor should they be in the fetal position with their head at a severe angle, nor should they be looking at the ground. I salvaged the first two examples with my admittedly rudimentary Photoshop skills, but a snapshot where the kid’s face is not visible and that, after cropping out everything else, results in a photo that Barbie could put in an album, is beyond my capabilities.

At the very least I will be practicing my diplomacy skills this year.

The price of convenience

Little Miss’ birthday is fast approaching, and with her birthday being one month before this new baby is expected I had some new factors to think about.

Having a party at the house would have been the most economical and sensible, but it isn’t a possibility. We live on an insanely busy road with no street parking or even a shoulder, and our driveway could only accommodate a few vehicles. We don’t have a yard for kids to play in so much as we have every parent’s nightmare: no grass, lots of rocks and gravel, abundant poison ivy, and oh, yeah, the cars driving right next to the property at 50+ MPH. Not to mention the minefield of dog crap.

Add in a high-strung dog who weighs in at 70-lbs and a hugely pregnant woman, and you get a place  wholly unsuitable for a large group of children.

Instead, I shelled out $300 to The Little Gym for the privilege of having our party there. The fee includes an hour and a half of play time, utensils and paper goods for food consumption, two Little Gym instructors to supervise and facilitate the party, juice and water, balloons for all the kids and a t-shirt for the birthday kid. They do all the set-up and clean-up and will keep track of who gave what gift. They will even send the invitations if you like. (I set an Evite)

All I need to provide is the cake, the guests, and goody bags. Goody bags are the scourge of modern birthdays. “Thanks for coming to our party! Here’s a bag of cheap plastic crap that will break within a week and some shitty candy!” Last year I bought a bunch of plastic animals to decorate the cake with and let each kid choose which animal they wanted on their piece and they kept the animal. Probably the other parents thought I was a cheap bitch but I don’t care. This year I ordered pre-filled bags from Oriental Trading Co. The charge for avoiding shopping for and assembling goody bags for 15 kids: $64.

So basically I am paying $400 so I can sit on my ass and observe my kid’s birthday and avoid all the work of throwing the party.

At least the Evite was free.

Seasonal allergies are a bitch

This is my first time dealing with allergies in a child. I must say, I do not care for it. I am glad she doesn’t have a disgusting stream of snot pouring out of her nose like so many children do, but the wracking cough is wearing everyone down.

Here we see the results of our first dose of allergy medicine (OTC, generic Benadryl). I was sitting next to her, she was awake. I got up, went to the porch, brought in a package, and sat back down. She was out. Pitiful.

We have the humidifier running constantly and we’ve tried every natural remedy and every OTC product I could find, all to no avail. I suppose we just have to wait out the changes in the air.

Buy buy baby

Picked up several onesies off the clearance shelves at Target this morning. Some gender-neutral and one pink and white set with Marie from the Aristocats on them.

The stroller frame arrived this week as well, despite a combined effort by UPS and Amazon to destroy it before I could use it. The cup holders did not survive whatever tortures the package underwent in transit and replacements are being sent.

Little Miss loves strapping her doll into the seat and taking her for a ride. This basic stroller will let her help out with transporting baby during those times when I can’t or don’t want to use a carrier/sling. I’m still hoping (but not expecting) someone will get the mei tai and the 5-in-1 carrier from my registry.

I have a few more items off the birth supply list to get, but nothing major. I also have to procure the accouterments for the labor tub (hose, adapter, etc). Overall, we’re pretty much ready. Seven weeks to go at the least. I try not to think about going 12 more weeks. I really want this kid to be here by Oct. 22 so it, too can be a Libra.

Trying this again

I’m thinking of having themed entries, at least until I get in the habit of blogging here.

Obvious contenders:

the animals

knitting

recipes

pregnancy/baby/parenting

homeschooling

That would be five entries a week excluding any random insanity I toss on here.

So to get started, I’ll show off the baby items I have knitted so far. I’ve done a few hats, three pairs of longies, a romper, two shrugs (one as a gift, pictured below in white), and two pairs of booties.

I’m currently knitting another shrug for Little Miss. She picked out a pastel acrylic yarn and even though I dislike both pastels and acrylics, I’m working with it for her.

Cat Blogging

There are two cats residing in this house, Fat Cat and Crazy Cat. Fat Cat is 12 and has had his photograph taken about 6 trillion times. Crazy Cat is 3, has been with us 18 months and we have about 6 photos of her total. She’s a tad skittish.
Last night I hit the photographic jackpot and found them together, lounging on the fort of pillows and blankets that was once a couch.
What’s great is that several hours later The Mr came home, found them in the reverse positions, and picked up the camera but was unable to get even one photo. Apparently this was the limit for cat photos for the month.

Bacon Cheese Muffins

Several days a week The Mr is up and out of the house before I am conscious and hours before I can muster up interest in making breakfast for him or anyone else. If I were a better wife, a Hooah! Army wife, I’d get up before him and prepare a hearty breakfast including all four food groups and coffee in a travel mug. Alas, he married a woman who likes her sleep and is less than enthusiastic about the Army.

I do feel like I am obligated to feed The Mr since he is the sole earner in this household and I get to avoid dealing with the general public thanks to his income. Muffins have thus become one of my staple creations. I grate up vegetables into muffin batter so The Child willingly eats zucchini. Fudge pecan muffins are my contribution to world happiness. Today’s savory muffins are my effort to make sure my husband eats something other than candy and soda for breakfast. If left to his own devices he’d eat fast food three meals a day and polish it off with a liter of wine every night. These muffins are portable, filling and quite tasty. They freeze well but nothing lasts long in this house so that’s never been necessary here.

3 Tablespoons melted butter or neutral oil, plus some for greasing the muffin tin

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 cup sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

3 teaspoons baking powder

1 egg

1 cup milk, plus more if needed

1/2 cup cooked turkey bacon (or use pig if you’re so inclined)

1/2 cup shredded cheese

Preheat oven to 400 F. Grease standard muffin tin. Mix dry ingredients in bowl. Beat egg, milk, and butter. Batter should be lumpy and thick, but very moist. Add bacon and cheese.

Spoon into muffin tins. Bake 20-30 minutes or until muffins are nicely browned and toothpick inserted into center comes out clean.